The Choice
by SoYouThinkYouCanWrite
Summary: Upon arriving home from The Hunger Games; Katniss Everdeen is faced with the biggest challenge of them all, a choice, between Gale or Peeta. Rated Mature for Adult Content.
1. Chapter 1

Katniss Everdeen 

It had only been a short while since my confrontation with Peeta, and soon, with the train full speed ahead, we'd be back between the sweet barriers of District 12.

_Things can finally return to the way they once had been. _

Only they couldn't. Even my deepest thoughts couldn't trick me into thinking that things would go back to normal. Nothing will ever be the same thanks to the Capitol and their stupid Hunger Games.

'_May the odds be _ever_ in your favor'. Ha! There's no escape from their torment. Even winning will not provide you relief. If anything, its only made things worse. _

I sit in my train bedroom, holding onto the small pin that Madge had presented to me a few weeks ago when this nightmare had just begun. Now, it was the newest Victors symbol, and all around the Capitol, would become a tool for mass production and over priced selling in their large shops.

A knock on the door brings me out of my trance. I expect Effie to bound through, proclaiming how today was another, "big, big, _big_ day!" and for me to get ready, but instead, the person from the outside waited-as if to be welcomed.

"Yes?" I managed to mumble out, my voice still raspy from the continuous onslaught of tears that had come and gone within the past few hours.

The door, unlocked as always, opened and it was Peeta who was staring back at me with hollow eyes that didn't quite reach me.

"We're nearly to the District," he spoke softly. "It won't be long now, Effie wanted me to let you know you should be getting dressed into the outfit Cinna left for you."

Both our gazes landed on the simple, yet elegant dress which laid towards the end of my bed and I brushed it lazily, nodding as if to tell him I understood.

He sighed softly, nodding gently once before shutting the door behind him. A pang of guilt rang through me, but was soon overshadowed with immense confusion. I didn't know what I wanted.

It wasn't that I _didn't_ want Peeta. Of course he was attractive and strong and a gentleman.

But he wasn't Gale.

And it wasn't as if Gale was even mine to claim, especially after viewing the games and seeing how 'madly in love' Peeta and I were, he may have moved on completely, wanting nothing to do with me.

I had no plans of getting married in the past. It wasn't much of an option for me. Just simply entertaining the thought of nursing a child growing up in the Seam, having to go through the constant reminder and uneasiness the Hunger Games brings with it each year, hoping, praying, begging, that it wasn't _my _child's name in which was picked. Having no option but for them to sign up for tesserae…

I wouldn't let them become me. It was not an option. I had mother and Prim to look after, and could not afford the hassle of the family. The burden and worry that came with having a husband working in the mines, it was all too much.

_Gale wouldn't have to work in the mines. He could simply hunt with me for our food, and our children would learn._

I shook the thought, because it was a dumb one. Gale had a large family of his own to take care of and like me, hadn't even thought of marriage as an option.

Another knock on the door sounded, but this time, Effie came barreling through, not giving a second thought to the fact that I was completely naked, with Cinna's dress pooling at my ankles.

"Oh god child," Effie grumbled, pursing her lips together and looking at me with disappointment. "Don't you know we're practically to your District?"

I smiled sheepishly, pulling the dress over my hips until it was resting in its rightful spot along my body. Cinna always knew how to make a dress particularly amazing, which had been the biggest factor in winning the crowds over in the first place.

Effie stared at me through the mirror, gasping at my thin figure staring back. Her hands, digging into my shoulders to the point of pain loosened as she zipped up the garment and forced me to do a spin for her, the way Cinna had directed me to the night of our interviews, when I had been spinning and spinning around with Caesar by my side.

And suddenly I was feeling nauseous, because now three weeks later, (or could it be four?), twenty two tributes lay dead in nothing but small wooden caskets while their home districts mourn their losses, instead of celebrating our gains with us.

Effie notices the uneasy greenish tint my face picks up and proclaims I should eat something before arrive, hoping I don't pass out in front of the camera's.

She carefully places my signature pin above my right breast, resting neatly on the orange fabric of my dress before taking my arm and, without over exaggeration, _dragging_ me out of the room and down the hall to stuff some food down my throat before we arrive.

Haymitch and Peeta are sitting at the table in near complete silence when I arrive. Peeta picking at a dried muffin from this mornings breakfast and Haymitch milking a cup of tea. By the look on his face; he's hung-over, which isn't the worst case scenario, but given that this is our first appearance back at District 12, I don't believe I'm the only one who was amused (or in Effie's case horrified), to find he was completely wasted for our welcome back.

I take a seat next to Peeta, trying to think of something to say, anything, that could repair our relationship even slightly, to make it somewhat less awkward.

And I had about five minutes to do it.

He looks me over, his eyes roaming over my dress before landing on my face.

"Are you ok? You look…green."

I opened my mouth but instead, it was Effie's voice that sounded throughout the dining area.

"Oh, she'll be fine, sweet of you to think of her though. She just needs a little something to eat is all. Now where _has _breakfast gone? Surely they haven't cleaned up yet."

Peeta nodded shortly though. "You just missed them." then, without hesitation, he passed over the remains of his muffin, which was practically fully intact.

"Thank you." I mumble politely.

"Anything for you."

I look up to decipher the meaning behind his liquid words, but he's already risen to his feet, peering through the open window with a far off look before smiling, highlighting his softer features.

"We're here."

* * *

><p>"Now remember to flash those big winning smiles of yours," Effie reminds us for the hundredth time since this morning. "Not only will your District be excited to see you but-"<p>

"-But so will the press," Peeta and I say at the same time, casting each other slight smiles before remembrance laces our features and we turn away from each other.

Effie looks up between the two of us before sniffing. "Yes, well…I know you two will just be darling."

She was obviously peeved we called her out, but I still had to stifle giggles that threatened to spill over at the absurdity of the moment.

She straightened her pink wig out before the doors open and she went through, into the arms of the press with a large smile pinned on her face.

"Any last words?" I ask Haymitch as he prepares to be the next one released from the confined train.

"Yea," he says, placing an arm around my shoulders, and his other around Peeta's, glancing between the two of us, but mostly towards me. "Lets not forget our roles, shall we? You're an extremely happy couple that just did the impossible of winning the Hunger Games together. You're over the moon in love." his glare lands on me. "Now act like it."

The doors open, engulfing Haymitch into the crowds and for the first time since the games ended practically, Peeta and I are alone.

And its awkward. My hands become tense and sweaty with perspiration as I clear my throat not once-but three times- in hopes of clearing away the uncomfortable silence.

Peeta held his hand out to mine a moment later, and when I looked up at him his eyes were practically glass they were so translucent and fragile.

"Once more?" he asks, his voice almost pained. "For the cameras?"

I can't help but feel the pain he feels, sharp bursts of it rippling through my body and settling uncomfortably in my stomach, twisting and spiraling until I'm sure I'm the same green color as earlier.

Still, I take his hand into my slimy one and just as pathetic as a trained monkey, smile largely for the crowds as the doors open, announcing our arrival, and the crowd around us is beyond control with our arrival home.

"Katniss! Over here Katniss!" I hear one camera man on my right yelling out, and another towards the center chanting, "Kiss her Peeta! Lay one on her."

Before I can register it, Peeta is tilting me back, holding me tightly in the embrace, his lips attaching themselves to my own in one of his powerful but controlled kisses. When his lips leave mine, and our eyes open, for a fraction of a second, I see sorrow in his iris's.

Then, I giggle, pecking him on the nose, and he smiles back at me lovingly, lifting me up to a standing position.

The crowd eats it up like our leftovers, screaming and squealing like morons as more flashes encase us, and we play nice, smiling and waving towards the crowd, kissing and hugging, cuddling in each others embraces.

My eyes trace over the crowd, looking for any trace of familiarity in this sea of over zealous press whores, hoping to get a good story to send back to the Capitol-not like they weren't watching right now.

As my eyes skim the center of the crowd, I find my familiarity.

I find Gale.

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><p><strong>Chapters to follow will be longer. Let me know what you thought! Thank you. <strong>

**~SoYouThinkYouCanWrite**


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much for the reviews and nice words, they all meant so much to me. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

**Disclaimer:** The Hunger Games and the rightful characters are not my property, but that of Suzanne Collins; this is just how i think things would have gone had there been a direct continuation after 'The Hunger Games'.

Rated M for Adult Content

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><p>Everything freezes and for a moment I want nothing more than to drop the entire charade and run into his arms. Its only been a few weeks but it feels like a century sine I've been this close to my best friend.<p>

Peeta notices me staring and nudges me slightly. My cloudy vision takes him in for a moment, registering where we were, what we were doing and smiled at him with as much love and admiration as I could muster.

But I couldn't help but think, I was doing this to save the ones I loved. To save Gale.

Just then, my mother runs into my arms, nearly knocking me over as she places kisses all over my face, her hands running through my hair and pulling me close to her.

"You did it! Oh Katniss you made it…you did it!" she said, shaking me into her arms, tears spilling down her face. It had been quite some time since I had seen mother like this, beside herself, crying from complete happiness and relief instead of grief.

And it was hard to reciprocate. I couldn't help but think of the alternative, what it would have been like if I hadn't made it back. Would she be dead by now? Would Prim?

Prim.

The cameras are pointed at me and mother, not wanting to miss a single second of the glorious reunion. A round of 'awes' and applause fill the air as I accept my mothers hug and kiss her cheek, smiling as warmly as I can force.

"Where is Prim?" I cant help but ask immediately, searching the crowd for the small girl I couldn't get off my mind since the departure. Without hesitation, something shot into my arms.

Encasing me in her embrace was Prim, shaking from the tears that racked her body as she held me close-her lifeline- the sister she never thought she would see again. And I have tears in my eyes too, because although I didn't want to think it true, I hadn't counted on ever seeing Prim again after that day in the Justice Building. But here we are.

It's then that I notice Peeta and his family reuniting, hugging each other smiling, though, it seems with force, as if to promote the happy family look rather than genuine. I stare at Peeta's mother, the witch of a woman and wonder how she can smile so nicely right now, as if she's thrilled her son has returned safely.

Haymitch shoots me a look and interlocks his fingers to which I respond by grabbing Peeta's hand. He turns to look at me, confused until he senses its me holding onto him, and then pulls me into him further, kissing my forehead.

"Mom, what do you think of all of this? Ever see it coming?" one of the camera men asked with a grin.

Mother looks us over with suspicion, but plays along, just like she knows she ought to.

"I think Katniss is a bit too young for dating," this earns some laughs, and some relief from my end. "But we'll see what happens."

As the crowds slim down, and the cameras move around the district to film parts of the festivities, Peeta and I are wisped away to prepare for a small interview and a large Capital banquet dinner for our return. Tonight-no one is District 12 will go hungry.

Effie is beside herself with the welcome home we've received and cannot believe how 'crappy old District 12' could have possibly transformed itself into the District she stares at now.

"You know, maybe its not _that_ embarrassing to representing the least liked District." Effie says nonchalantly, as if talking about the weather. "Although, you two are definitely bumping up the status of this place."

"Thanks Effie," I grumble as Peeta snickers. He's sitting clear across the room, as if we cant stand the sight of one another, as soon as the doors are closed, we're pushing away from each other.

Me, because I'm confused as to what I want. Why I've played along for such an extended period of time.

Him, because its too painful to stay close to me for too long.

"You two, over here _now_" Haymitch says, rubbing his temples, his blood shot eyes shut tightly with the pressure of the lights being too much.

Peeta and I sit beside him, waiting for him to speak in silence before he pops an eye open, as if startled to see us sitting next to him.

"What the hell was with you today?" he asked, staring pointedly towards me.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"We're past the cue cards sweetheart, I'm not always going to be around to remind you you're supposed to be_ madly and insanely in love."_

"I wasn't convincing?" I scoffed, as if the idea itself were ridiculous.

"Sweetheart, its hard to notice much of anything about you and lover boy here while you're shooting googley eyes at your cousin across the crowd."

_My cousin?_

The words pour directly from my mind to my lips as I stare at Haymitch with confusion and uncertainty.

He proceeds to fill me in on all the blanks of my life, about when it was time to come around interviewing the contestants families and friends, everyone directed the interviewers to Gale. A boy best friend? Oh, well that just wont do, not with a blossoming romance being the main event of the 74th Hunger Games. Instead, they made up a long story about how Gale was my….cousin.

"Really? Cousin? I expected more creativity from you."

Haymitch shrugged. "Look, I only follow directions of higher forces, and so do you. Since I am your mentor, I am your higher power and I am forbidding you from seeing that boy as of now."

I scoff. Haymitch could not control my life in this way. He was not my mother or father and he wouldn't treat me as so. I opened my mouth to inform him of this, but he beats me to the punch.

"Save it," he speaks lowly, his hands up in the air. "I don't want to hear it Katniss. I'm your mentor and I'm telling you what I think is best. Its not an option or opinion. It's a demand. You stay away from Gale, and while you're at it, try not treating your boyfriend here like some social pariah the minute the cameras are gone."

I steal a glance at Peeta. His head hangs low, looking down at his lap where his hands sit entwined. I feel guilt rise in me. Couldn't Haymitch have waited until we were alone to tear me a new one, instead of right in the face of the victim?

Before the dinner, we would have one more ceremony to attend to, where Peeta and I would be awarded new homes across the street from Haymitch in the small and lonely Victors Village, towards the nicer part of District 12. With late afternoon approaching, we were eager to be released from the Justice Building-our place of captivity- and into the arms of our families and loved ones.

But no Gale.

"Katniss please, stop fittling with your hair. It looks simply darling the way you had it. If you keep pulling at those loose ends, we'll be forced to start over."

I had hardly noticed I was occupying myself with the loose strands of my hair which had come free of the braid, a newer nervous habit I had picked up since I was nearly forced to stop biting my nails to bits by my prep team.

"Sorry," I say simply because there is no other way to respond to her comment. She patted my arm lovingly before the doors open wide and two Peacemakers nod for us to come forward.

"Oh goodness!" Effie says, prancing around like a rabbit, my arm encased in her squeezing fingers. "Peeta? Haymitch? Come along! Its time to get your brand new houses!"

I had never lived in a house before. Just the small shack like home from the Seam Prim, Mother and I lived in before the games. Oddly enough, I missed that old home and the comfort it held, an odd level of security and pattern.

I was a creature of habit, and within the last month had had my fill of change for a lifetime. Too bad the change would continue until I was dead.

Peeta laces his hand in mine without asking and I look up to be met with his smile, before he mouths the words, "You ready?" to me.

"No," I say silently back to him, which makes him chuckle. Then, out of no where, he leaned forward to place a quick and gentle kiss on my lips, lingering if only for a second too long. He stands up straight after and clears his throat.

"You'll be fine," he assures me. "I'm right here with you."

* * *

><p>But it wasn't fine, because throughout the entire celebration and awarding of our new homes I could think of nothing other than what that kiss might have meant, his words behind it, and how I felt about the entire situation.<p>

"Haymitch wont be happy if you don't start smiling _now._" Peeta grumbled to me through his plastered smile, his one hand holding mine, the other high in the air with a wave.

_Screw Haymitch._ I felt like saying, but instead thanked him with the squeeze of my hand and smiled largely, thanking the people of District 12 for the beautiful home-as if they were the ones to give it to me.

It wasn't until after the lavish dinner and festivities ended that we were bided goodnight into our Victors Village, allowing an allotted time slot for us to actually be alone and talk. I watched as Prim headed up the stairs sluggishly, the back of her shirt un-tucked from her pants, causing a small duck tail to hang over her bottom. I caught up with her tired form quickly and gave it a small pull, causing a small smile to play on her lips.

"Tuck in your tail little duck," I whispered, planting a kiss on her cheek and scooting her further up the stairs.

"Goodnight Katniss," she yawns, shuffling along the wooden floor until I heard her door shut quietly behind her.

"Goodnight," I whisper, passing mother on the stairs and giving her a small nod of the head. We would need to talk, that was certain, but now was neither the time or the place for that. So instead, I let her go on to bed, and I moved back down the long steps and slipped on my shoes.

Even with Prim and mother obviously fatigued from the day and heading straight to bed, there was more privacy over in Peeta's home, and I would rather not take my chances talking about anything costly here.

The walk over was a simple one, just a few steps across the eerily empty Victors Village and I was knocking on his door. I thought to just walk straight in, but decided against it. This was after all, his new home. However, when the door flung open, it was Haymitch staring at me, not Peeta.

"Am I…at the wrong house?" only three people occupied these large houses in the village, it shouldn't have been that difficult to locate Peeta.

Haymitch pushed the door open more fully and placed his body flush against the wall, his arm extended in an odd welcome. "Oh no sweetheart, you're right where you're supposed to be."

My first thoughts were confirmed when I smelt the overwhelming stench of liquor on his breath. I moved my hands in front of my face, pushing the fume clouds away obnoxiously before glaring towards him and stepping inside.

Peeta's house was nearly identical to mine, and I figured Haymitch's resembled ours as well. If you followed the path down the short hallway, it split off into two directions, one leading to the kitchen, the other to the living room. I heard the television quietly playing in the living room and decided to follow its course, Haymitch dragging along behind me.

The silhouette of Peeta's frame is dancing off the walls in the firelight. His body sits on the couch, hunched over.

I thought of Haymitch's words; '_and while you're at it, try not treating your boyfriend here like some social pariah the minute the cameras are gone.'_

He was right. Surely not about the boyfriend setup, but about the way I had been treating Peeta. He hadn't done anything wrong, in fact, it was me who hurt him. I sighed, looking at the boy with the bread, the boy who always taught me things would in time get better and suddenly felt sharp pangs of guilt pouring over my body.

I moved toward him slowly, trying to calculate what it was exactly I was going to do, then, I rest my hand on his broad shoulder, rubbing it gently before he turns to look up at me, his blue eyes boring into mine with confusion.

"Are you ok?" I ask, my voice cracking as I indicate towards his prosthetic leg with a nod of my head.

He rubs it gently before tugging down his pant sleeve and standing up, quickly-but measurably.

"Yea," he breathed. "Still just getting used to it. All this walking…" he stops short, shaking his head. "Sorry…I know we all have problems. All have things we need to get used to."

My arm, still holding onto his shoulder moves down the length of his arm and back up again in what I hope is a comforting manner. "You should sit down, we all need some well deserved rest."

He nodded and lowered himself back onto the couch. I followed a second later, and a few minutes after, Haymitch came to box me in between them. He flipped through the same Capitol channels over and over until he finally threw the remote with a curse.

"This damn piece of junk!" he slurred as Peeta and I bit our lips to keep from laughing. He grumbled something under his breath, swinging his half empty bottle around and heading for the door without further discussion.

It's silent. Peeta yawns. Silence. I tap my fingers annoyingly against the leather of the couch. Peeta's eyelids get heavy. I yawn. Silence.

"I think its bedtime," I whisper, close in his ear causing him to shutter lightly and then after a second nod. We rise to our feet and for the first time since we were with Caesar, I take his hand willingly. He doesn't seem to notice the action in his dozing state but just allows me to lead him up the staircase.

He falls into bed without changing from his dressy apparel and I pull the blankets up over his head, rubbing his soft curls from his face. For a second, he looks like the small boy I met that night in the rain. His features softer than normal and his eyes drifted shut. I wonder, do all men look like boys when they sleep? He's beautiful, but then again, he always had been.

I go to turn away, disturbed at the twist my mind had taken without my permission and get to the door before a soft mewling stops me.

"Katniss," he whispers, sitting up more straight in his bed. His eyes are wide, searching for me. I wait.

"Stay with me," he asks quietly, his arm moving to push back the blankets and provide a space for my small body to slip next to his own.

Without another word, I found myself tucked under his blanket with him, our bodies melting into one as a good nights sleep over took us for the first time in weeks.

* * *

><p>Morning came all too quickly and Peeta and I were jolted awake by the odd sound of the doorbell. Peeta recognized it, of course, but my first thoughts led to attack in the strange house full of things I had never known.<p>

Haymitch was too impolite to knock, so it couldn't possibly be him sounding at the door, not to mention, based on last night, he was probably still sleeping off a throbbing hangover.

I thought of Prim, but she would be in school by this time.

Peeta told me I could stay put and he would go and get the door. I followed him to the stairs and crouched behind the wooden railing. He walked down the stairs stiffly before opening the door just wide enough for me to make out the figure behind it.

His black hair was unmistakable, his olive skin and green eyes practically pierced into my body, even though there was no way he could see me. I cant hear the full extent of the conversation, just my name on his lips, Peeta shaking his head no, Gale's frustrated expression, and then the door shutting.

_What did he say to him?_

I was bounding down the stairs a moment later. I didn't have to ask for Peeta to know what I wanted to hear. His hands fly up to stop me from running out the door and for a moment I cant decide if he wont let me go because he doesn't want me to be with Gale, or if this is under Haymitch's instructions.

"Let me go Peeta!" I hiss, "He's looking for me!"

"Katniss, you can't. Not right now anyways, believe me, _please." _he grunts with the struggle to keep me from escaping his grasp. Peeta is strong, there is no doubt about that, but I am fierce, and do not like feeling trapped.

I'd like to say it were an accident, I could even play it off as just that, but it was no accident. Amongst my flailing, I jammed the back of my foot square into Peeta's bad leg. He fell down immediately, releasing his grip on me and allowing me to go flying through the doors.

"Gale!" I call, just as he's about to pass the gates of the Victors Village. "Gale!" I call again.

He turns, and flashes me a winning smile. "Well look who it is. I knew you couldn't hide from me forever, Catnip."

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><p>Thank you for reading, update will come soon.<p>

~SoYouThinkYouCanWrite


	3. Chapter 3

Hello Everyone. I'm sorry if there was any confusion with Gale 'randomly' showing up towards the end of Chapter Two. I guess I forgot you are all not in my mind with me, nor is Katniss and I accidently left you all in the dark. To clear things up as to why Gale would show up at Peeta's house, I added a small part to the beginning (Which ends at 'For a moment, I allowed myself the luxury of forgetting...etc.) just so we're all on the same page. Sorry again if there was any questions on that part.

Just a reminder this story is Rated M(ature) for Adult Content which will appear later in the storyline. Enjoy your read!

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><p>"How did you find me?" I asked of him as we made our way out the Victors Village.<p>

"Well I went to your house first, naturally…your mother told me to try where you were, which I thought odd. Having an early breakfast or something?" he asked sarcastically.

I nudged him gently, assuring him it was nothing but he just snorted. "Your boyfriend told me you weren't around though, I almost left without you."

"He's not my boyfriend Gale, lets just…forget about it, hmm?" he nodded, agreeing before I added, "You were going to leave me, huh? Lucky for me you're a slow walker."

He chuckled in a friendly manner, in a way that told me things would be ok, if only for now.

For a moment, I allowed myself the luxury of forgetting. Forgetting everything that happened between my last meeting with Gale, and now. Later, of course I would need to face Haymitch and Peeta, but for now…nothing mattered but this moment.

We make our way through the town, no more words needed, the comfortable silence was just enough for us, until we reach the edge of the gate, and listen. Of course, there was no electricity running through it. The old thing was surely dead. I creep under the fence and pull myself up to my feet just as Gale scuttles through, brushing himself off a bit before meeting my gaze for the first time.

I cant help but smile like an idiot. At seeing him, at being this close to him. It feels like its been so long since we've last seen each other, back in these woods. He had to be proud of me, there was no way he wasn't. After all, I had done the impossible, come out Victor of the toughest survival game there is; The Hunger Games.

I wait for the congratulations, a hug, words of encouragement, _anything_…but Gale simply moved past me, making his way further into the woods, not even turning to say; "You coming, Catnip?"

I trudge after him. I know now is not the time to talk, but it seems there is no right time anymore. Its not right in the village, where surely we're under surveillance, its not right in the town, with so many ears to pose as witnesses…and its not right in the woods, where it could scare the animals.

"I'm not so sure I can keep up with you anymore, what with you hunting much bigger game now," I'm sure he means this as a joke, but it only makes the bile rise uncomfortably in the back of my throat, and my mouth fill with saliva.

He nudges me with his elbow and gives a wink before pulling his bow back and expertly bring down a small turkey with hardly any damage. I couldn't help but think, if Gale had been in the games, I would have wanted him as a ally immediately. He positively would have scored an eleven in training.

Combined, we bring down two more turkeys, four rabbits, several large squirrels and a fox. We stop for a rest at a nearby stream, sitting by the rocks and picking strawberries and fresh blackberries into a basket. I pull off my sweaty boots and soak my feet in the cool water, splashing some on my feet as well. Oddly enough, I feel like I'm back in the arena, jumping at small movements like animals passing by or a wind hitting a tree branch and straining my ears for every sound. Its unnerving, the way the games have taken my safe haven and turned into a swirling blaze of hellish memories.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Gales asks, leaning against sappy tree, collecting some of its sweet juices and licking it off his finger, his eyebrows arched in question.

My mouth opened as if to say a hundred different things but what comes out of my mouth is so utterly ridiculous, so stupid, even I wince. "So…you're my cousin?"

He stares at me for a long moment before bursting into what I hope were comforting hysterics. I chuckle along side him, awkwardly running a hand through my knotted hair until he died down.

"The Capitols full of good ideas, but the best story line they could come up with for us is that we're…we're…cousins!" he heaves' out, triggering a fresh round of hysterics.

Its true, most of the Seams kids look suspiciously alike, what with all of our olive tinted skin and dark muddy hair, but when it comes to Gale and I, that's where the similarities end.

"Imagine the stories they'd come up with if we had been in the games together!" I giggle, for once feeling…free, laughing back in the woods with Gale, things were normal.

However, lately when things begin to feel normal, reality has a painful way of creeping back in to remind me _I am not normal anymore._

Gale's expression hardens until his lips are pressed in a hard line. "I don't know," he ponders for a moment. "I'm not much for stage directions. Some people take to them better than others."

Ouch. That one hurt, since it was obviously a dig towards me. I turn to set my gaze on my feet, hoping I can disguise my hurt in a mask of no emotion. Of course Gale knows me better than that.

"Gale, you realize that's what saved Peeta and I, right? It was our only hope." I whispered after a minute of uncomfortable silence.

"Was it? Did you have to play the game that way Katniss? Why couldn't you just play the simple way? Don't trust your enemies Katniss-" I open my mouth to interject but he holds his hands up in protest. "Seventy Three Victors before you did it. If you didn't want to be the one to kill Peeta then why didn't you wait for someone else to? Cato practically gift wrapped him, all you had to do was leave him out there to die."

It was obvious this had been brewing in Gales mind for some time now, waiting for the exact moment to bubble until finally it spills over into a hot fiery mess.

"Do you hear yourself speaking?" I demand, my voice much too loud for us to be hunting, but then again, with both of our bows dropped to the forest floor, I assume we're done for the day. "Are you even registering your words? We both made it out alive, Victor history, Gale! This is a time for celebration…not…not wishing one of our _own_ were dead!"

"Katniss-"

"I mean think about it, what if the games had been played that way from the start? A team effort, a given ally from the very beginning? Think of the lives it could have saved!"

"The Capitol didn't produce the games to save lives, Katniss! They created them to _destroy_ them, to have a public reminder to the people of all districts annually, 'don't step out of line.'"

Of course he was right, but we were too far in argument to give him this small victory now. I dug my heels into the muddy bottom of the stream deeper, heaving out a breath.

"What was the point of all that love stuff anyways besides feeding into the capitol? Giving them exactly what they want, a good show."

"Sponsors, Gale," I sigh, out of fight. I had nothing left. I couldn't do this. Not today, not my first full day back in the home I never thought I'd see again.

"You didn't need him to get you sponsors Katniss…your skill was enough, after all you scored highest in training."

I smiled slightly. Even though I was well aware the games were a mandatory event, it still made me feel good to know he was…paying attention, to me; my scores, my tactics, my game. It was oddly flattering and I forced the thought away, surely this was just an observation.

"He did help me. He gave me something my bow and arrow simply couldn't."

He wore a wary and confused expression. He too, was out of fight and simply waited for me to continue on.

"He gave me _appeal_, Gale. He made me desirable to the crowd, to sponsors, to everyone really."

Gale snorted, and for a moment I was hurt. My fists clench at my sides with an effort not to simply walk away from him. Of course I hadn't meant _everyone_, for Gale would never view me in that light.

"You didn't need Peeta to make you appealing Katniss."

"Oh, what do you know?" I screech. "No one thought of me as anything more than threatening before the games, and even in the Capitol, I had nothing going for me besides the words Peeta painted me as. No one thought I was desirable Gale!"

"Yes they did!" he concluded, his voice overshadowing mine.

"Who? Tell me Gale, who!"

"Me!" he belts before turning on his heals, but not before shooting me one more disgusted look. "But that's right, I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you to notice."

"Gale!" I call out, but I know it's a lost effort. I picked up the few rabbits I kept for dinner tonight and put on my boots, taking a less direct route out of the forest, clearing my head of the boy who left me out here alone, and his confusing parting words.

* * *

><p>I walked through the doors of our new home, still not used to the nice display of marble floors that met me, or the cushioning of the carpeting trailing up the stairs and through the hallways.<p>

Mother met me at the door, her eyes wide as she watched me attempt to step in.

"Oh, no shoes Katniss!" she screeches, waving her hands around like a maniac. "I just mopped."

…she mopped. Huh, weird.

I slip my shoes off on the front porch then, and walk in to find she wasn't kidding, my sock clad feet slide easily along the slick surface. The house smells of pine and cleaning supplies, though I wasn't sure what she had been cleaning, seeing as we hadn't lived here more than twenty four hours.

I settle myself down in one of the chairs that met up with the kitchen table and turn myself around, throwing two small rabbits onto the table, to find Prim leaning over the sink, peeling potatoes.

"What are you doing?" I asked her, resting my head on my forearm. She turned with a stunning smile, holding a half peeled potato in her hand, and its then I realize they aren't just market potatoes, but Katniss's; and for some reason, this comforts me. This is normal. This is routine. I like routine.

Prim seems to sense my feelings because next thing I know; she's voicing them. "I figured you'd prefer something….familiar, rather than jumping into new things."

Prim looked older than her mere twelve years. Her long blonde hair, usually free and flowing is constricted back in a tight braid with small strands falling down her forehead. The way she focuses, looking toughly towards the stack of potatoes, and her bandaged fingers from what I assumed were mishaps with the peeler, reminds me of someone completely opposite of my little Prim.

Me. The thought of Prim turning into her older sister scares me more than most things would. This Prim was much different from the one I left a few weeks back before the games; small defenseless Prim was no more, she had taken my words seriously-staying alive at all costs from the moment of my absence. What can I say, habits are hard to break.

"Why all the potatoes and greens?" I ask, pulling out a long knife and beginning to dispose of the fur on the small creatures. They were always a lot smaller once all the fur was gone, disappointing, when you find trimming the layers of something seemingly porky, turns out small and feeble.

"We're having company for dinner tonight," Prim smiled. "Effie has to leave for the Capitol tomorrow morning and wont be back until your victory tour, so we invited her, Haymitch and Peeta over as sort of a…goodbye, type thing."

The thought of having to face Peeta and Haymitch tonight was scary, and I felt my palms grow sweaty as I throw the first rabbit into the oven. "Oh, well that was thoughtful. Effie must be glowing at the idea any of us are upset about releasing her back to the Capitol."

"I like Effie," says Prim with a smile. "She's funny."

I thought of the lady, rifling through a large bowl of names, her squeaky voice giggling with excitement as she pulls out _'Primrose Everdeen'_ as if she's won a million dollars, and shutter.

Yes, Effie turned out to be…a piece of work, someone I could stand and even like, but when it came down to it, she still worked for the capitol, we were just a part of their entertaining games, and that was something I couldn't quite forgive as easily as Prim.

By the time to sun begins to settle down gently, the sky turning a runny shade of orange and pink, Effie, Peeta, and Haymitch had all arrived and began settling in for what seemed to be a long stay.

Upon arriving, Peeta passed two loafs of bread over to my mother as a thank you, and a plate of white, unfrosted cookies, but I noticed in a plastic bag, was frosting and different nozzles. Mother thanked him immensely before disappearing into the kitchen to set the spoils on the table for later.

With empty hands, Peeta shoves his own into his pant pockets, slipping off his shoes. Haymitch hardly looked sober and I wondered if he had had the courtesy (or mindset) to try and keep himself as much in his right mind as possible for a dinner event.

I thought about our first night on the train, when Peeta and I were headed to the Capitol, and Haymitch lost his dinner all over the dining room compartment, the stench of his vomit pouring through our noses.

Most likely, he simply ran out of liquor for the time being.

Effie took to Prim instantly, and I couldn't help but think of Effie and Prim bonding on the way to the Capitol and the days leading to the games. How hard it might have been for Effie to send defenseless Prim into the arena, and watching her death publicly…

I winced, upset with myself for even thinking the thoughts. Prim was alive and well, unscarred and beautiful. I repeated this to myself five more times before my heart rate slowed.

Over dinner, there was laughter, at first awkward, as Effie began describing her initial thoughts of Peeta and I, but by the time she began describing Haymitch, she had all of us cackling along side her, tears even running down Prim's eyes as she held her arms tightly over her spasming belly.

Peeta and I both reach for the pepper at the same time, and our hands meet. I pull away immediately, letting him take the spice and watching from the corner of my eye as he subtly inched it over to me, a small smile playing on his features.

Leave it to Peeta, to completely forget the fact that I knocked him to the ground just earlier today, and smile over something as small as handing me pepper. I take it from him and dab it over my potatoes, like Effie instructs and finds the taste improves significantly. I don't admit it to Effie though.

When dinner is finished, I help mother clear dishes as everyone gathers in the living room for cookies and hot chocolate, to watch the replays of the recap of the games. They'll be playing these until next years Hunger Games, maybe longer, with this one making history of its own.

I walk into the kitchen, arms full of dishes to find Peeta standing over the wooden table with Prim in front of him, his arms wrapped around her own, guiding her to make a perfect pink boarder on the edges of her cookies. She giggles, slipping the sweet into her mouth with wide eyes.

"Its delicious!" she says appreciatively.

He smiles, rubbing her head. "And beautiful too, you're quite the decorator Prim, maybe sometime you can come and help me in the bakery."

As he finishes the last word of his sentence, his eyes look up to meet mine, and oddly, a red tint covers his cheeks. Prim slips from the kitchen a moment later, still lapping at the treat in her hand, leaving Peeta and me to ourselves.

I walk past him and place the dishes into the sink, scrubbing them with more of an effort than was needed.

I feel his gaze on the back of my head and tense. He hasn't left, but is getting closer until he appears at my side.

"I'm sorry," he whispers and my eyes turn wild with confusion. He's _what?_ So many words I expected to pour from his lips and he tells me _he's_ sorry. Now the guilt is really settling in for a long stay in the pit of my stomach.

"What for?" I ask, rubbing a plate with a spare rag. Mother doesn't understand, but I don't like the dishwasher. I'd rather wash them by hand, it was quicker for one, and it gave me something to keep busy with.

"I've been a bad friend," he begins, breathing lightly on my forehead. "I'm sorry that I took things to be more than they were in the arena…it just seemed like…" he pauses for a moment, his eyes shut before they flicker open and he shakes his head. "Never mind."

"Like what?" I press.

It doesn't take much to crack him and I have a feeling he's wanted to say it anyways. "Like for once…you were noticing me."

My heart thuds faster inside of my ribcage. He's right, I hadn't noticed him before the games except on rare occasions, but what he didn't know, was that he was the one who possessed my memory. Every time I saw a dandelion sprouting in the spring time, every time we passed his family's bakery…

"Peeta," I begin but he stops me before I can continue. "I didn't mean for this to turn into what it did Katniss, I just wanted to tell you I figured if I stopped acting so wounded and actually tried…we could be…friends?"

Friends. Friends sounded…

"It's just so hard…when one moment, we're hugging and kissing for cameras, but off cameras-" _I treat you like a social pariah. _

I think about his words carefully. Friends…_friends._ I chew on it for a moment. I don't have many friends, and besides Gale, Peeta is the person I trust the most, with my life even, since he saved it in the arena.

"I'm sorry too Peeta," I mumble without answering his 'friend' question. "Not just about this whole mess, but just….a lot. I should have let you know sooner how I felt…how I thought we were both just act-" I cut myself off, biting my lip as I watch his hurt expression in my eyelids.

Acting, was the word itching to be set free from my lips and I cant believe I hadn't been more careful. Unlike Gale, Peeta doesn't lash out or jump to conclusions, leaving me by myself confused and upset, what he does is much worse. His face obviously pained, stares down at the marble table top as if the words hadn't come from me.

"I'm sorry about your leg as well," I mumble lamely as an afterthought. It takes him a minute but then he just smiles towards me, running his hand questioningly along my cheek bone until my gaze meets his.

"Don't apologize to me, Katniss," he breathed. "There are many things in life you'll have to apologize for, please, save it for those moments, because its not worth it, wasting them on me."

"I think friends sounds like a good idea," I say in an unrelated response, turning from his gaze to put the last dish in its place. He nods gently, as if upset by my answer. Surely he had hoped for better success, but I was in no position to make anymore promises for a long time, to anyone.

"Come here," he says, his voice brighter than it had been moments earlier. I follow him to the table he had been standing at with Prim and he pulled a cookie off the platter, handing it to me. "Do you want to decorate it?" he asked.

I laughed, not that it was funny just, unexpected. "Sure…" I said slowly, picking up a tube of home made icing and gently placing it to the cookie. I'm not sure what I made, just different colored swirls and shapes. It was ugly at best.

I turned to Peeta and stared, wide eyed. He glanced up at me confused until he saw I was watching him ice his own cookie. He was marvelous at it, the bright yellow flower perfectly centered and so life like I could simply pluck it from the sweet. I knew Peeta iced the things in his families bakery, but for some reason when I thought of icing I figured it took much less skill than this.

"You're really good at that," I say to him and he smiles with pride. "Years of practice," he adds before silence falls between us, then he hands it over to me. "For you."

I take his offering, and stick mine out for him. "Its not nearly as pretty…" I feel the need to defend it. Its gone in four bites as he assures me it was beautiful.

"Katniss? Peeta? What are you two doing in there? You're missing _everything!_" Effie sounded from the other room, making us both jump.

"Yeah, they're awfully quiet in there," Haymitch voiced suspiciously, then chuckled humorlessly. "On the other hand, maybe we ought to leave them be…."

"Shut up Haymitch," Peeta grumbled under his breath, to which I snorted. He patted my back, inching me towards the living room after, "We're coming, we're coming."

We watched the recap in silence. I looked around the room more than I did the television, watching all the reactions I never got to see while Peeta and I were performing. Mom watched the screen with worry, even though she knew the outcome, it didn't stop her from clutching Prim's arm when danger neared me or Peeta, and gasping when someone laid freshly dead on the ground. Prim looked more intrigued than anything; as if she were watching a sporting game rather than these deadly ones. Mostly Peeta looked to his hands or shut his eyes, the memories most likely too painful for him to remember, I knew they were for me. Effie looked keenly amused, grinning and giving us dialogue on the entire event, voicing her favorite parts, times when she was on the edge of her seat, when she cried, when she laughed, how amused she was when Peeta claimed we missed her in the cave…

Haymitch looked like he needed a drink.

I might need one too.

* * *

><p>I was relieved when Effie left the next morning, tears in her eyes as she promised not to cry, for she would be back in just a few months. She gave me and Peeta both a swift kiss goodbye before smiling slyly.<p>

"Try and get along you too."

And then she was gone.

It was early morning, the miners in the seam were just beginning to prepare for a long days work and soon, children would be rising for school. Peeta and I walked down long paths, enjoying the sunny morning hatching in the clutches of darkness.

We passed by the quiet Victors Village, all the houses dark as everyone inside continued to sleep through the morning. It was then that I remembered, Haymitch hadn't said a word to me yesterday about disobeying him and going out with Gale. He hadn't forgotten I had gone, had he? No, he wasn't that drunk. Was he waiting until he could get me alone? That's a scary thought…

Note to self, don't allow yourself to be alone in a room with Haymitch for a while. Something struck me then….had Peeta told him where I was? He must have come looking for me at some point yesterday, and when I was gone, what did Peeta say?

"Did you tell Haymitch? About…what happened yesterday?"

Peeta shook his head quietly. "I didn't see any reason for that."

"He didn't ask?"

His head shook again and he kicked a small rock with his foot. He didn't seem to be walking with a limp or any discomfort, so my kick to his prosthetic leg must have not been too painful. Still…

"It wont happen again, like that I mean." I tell him in a soft whisper, anything above it seeming too loud for the easy morning. "I didn't mean to react that way…it was just…."

"I was out of line to force you to stay," he said. "I just didn't want you to get into trouble with Haymitch or anyone…but I shouldn't have held onto you like that."

He was right. Haymitch would have my head if he knew what I had done yesterday, especially with what we both know about the Capitol, how I'm already on the Presidents bad side with the berries. Everything was such a mess. How did things change so rapidly? Was it too late to pretend it never happened and just go back to the beginning? Yes. There's no more wishing for the past, but just hoping the future turns out brighter than its prognosis.

"Thank you," I mumble, taking his hand in my own. This takes him by surprise, but then he tightens his grip, as if my hand will vanish into thin air at any moment.

"Do you want some hot chocolate?" he asks me, making our way back towards his house. I nod, waiting on his front porch in the swing bench he has installed as he went inside to fetch some. For moments, I'm alone and even in the break of daylight, I'm scared.

_What are you scared of? Cato? Thresh? They're dead Katniss, you killed them. _I shutter at the thought and then realize what it is I'm truly scared of. Not Cato, or Clove or any of the others.

Its my distorted mind that is traumatizing me.

"Katniss?" Peeta asks, alarmed. "You're shaking, are you alright?"

I don't respond but instead, sink into his embrace, burring my head deep into his chest and clinging to his t shirt. He doesn't question it, but simply holds me closer to him, rubbing my hair and coaxing me gently, promising me I'm safe, that its over, the nightmare is over.

But the nightmares have only just begun.

I look up into his pained blue eyes and squeeze him tighter, regretting the next words out my mouth, yet at the same time feeling as if they're the only thing that can keep me from going under.

"Kiss me," I whisper. "Please?"

And of course, he obliges.

* * *

><p>I know some of you must be annoyed by Katniss's mind games and mood swings, but I'm just playing up the fact that she was confused with her conflicting feelings, not sure of what she wants. Not to worry though; soon enough the fog clouding her mind will clear. Thanks again for reading, Please feel free to leave any thoughts or comments. I'm about half way through Chapter Four, it will be up before you can say: "Nightlock, Nightlock, Nightlock!" Happy Fathers Day everyone.<p>

~SoYouThinkYouCanWrite


	4. Chapter 4

I can't thank everyone enough for their kind words and enthusiam! It definitely keeps me writing. Enjoy your read!

Just a reminder, this story is Rated M(ature) for adult content, and anything that seems familiar is _not_ mine but belongs to Suzanne Collins. Thank you!

* * *

><p><em>Run Katniss. <em>

_My legs are on fire, every muscle begging for me to quit, my breath ragged, beads of sweat as big as quarters falling from my body, yet I kept going. I can hear the footsteps gaining on me, getting closer, from every side. There's no way out. _

_I turn to the trees, heading for the sturdiest one to climb when its branches entangle me, holding me captive in its moss like clutches. I try to scream, but deadly tracker jackers fly out my mouth instead. My body twists and contorts in an effort to break free but the more I fight the tighter the grip becomes. My lungs are on fire, blood is spewing the cloudless sky, pouring over my body like rain._

_Run Katniss._

_Katniss._

"Katniss!"

I flew up into a sitting position, knocking Prim clear of the bed with a thud, my breath coming out in quick pants and tears falling down my face as I choke on thin air. My body was trembling uncontrollably and it took a few minutes to realize my bed, as well as my body, was drenched in sweat that made my t-shirt cling to my skin uncomfortably. I tore it off, leaving only a tank top covering my body and fell back on the bed, my hands rubbing over my eyes.

Prim was rubbing my soaking head, promising me the dream was over and everything was ok. She reached out for my hand, tolerating the pain when I squeezed it so tight her fingers turned purple, and then white. I let go, clutching my hand to my heart, the other tugging at the covers in a death grip.

"You're ok Katniss, its over, I promise."

"Why are you in here Prim?" I demand from her, mad and embarrassed that she had caught me in the midst's of one of my nighttime spells. She didn't need to see that.

"I heard you…It scared me, I had to make sure you were ok."

I sighed. "I was that loud?"

She nodded. "It must have been a bad one."

I didn't respond, but pushed the covers to the end of my bed, jumping out and mumbling about needing to take a shower.

"Take your time," Prim urged. "I'll let mother know you're alright and awake."

I stared at my reflection in the mirror for a long time, then opened my mouth, half expecting the venomous bugs to fly out and end my misery then and there. They didn't. I exhale and let my shoulders slump. My knees were still wobbly and my hands still shaky, I decided a bath was a better solution than a shower. I locked the door before lowering myself into the hot bathtub.

It had been three weeks since Peeta and I arrived home. Since I had seen Gale. The excitement of our homecoming had come and gone, and everyone was continuing on with their daily activities of normalcy.

How nice it must be for them, the Hunger Games a distant memory by now. They had moved on, just as I had for the years before. Now, it was my turn to experience the Victor side of things, and the nightmares seemed endless, as bad as living in the arena had been, if not worse. Being a Victor was not nearly what it was cracked up to be. I almost would rather have died, at least it would be over by now.

The door rattled with a knock, making me jump harshly, water pouring from the sides of the tub and onto the tiled floors.

"Katniss, the door is for you, are you almost done?" Prim asked with worry. She was probably thinking I had drowned myself. She jiggled the door handle, and panicked slightly when she realized it was locked. "Katniss?"

"I'll be out in a minute Prim."

Silence followed the soft patter of her feet on the ground. I took my time expelling myself from the large porcelain tub and brushing my teeth before putting a simple outfit on and braiding my damp hair. Not many people stopped by to visit me, so my guess was it was either Haymitch or Peeta, either of them could wait.

When I had stalled as long as I could, I made my way down the long hall and twisted staircase to find my analysis had been correct, and Haymitch waited for me in a way similar to how a cat awaits a mouse exiting its hole.

"Haymitch;" I greet with uncertainty, looking around for Prim or mother to pose as witnesses if need be. He smiled at me in a likewise manner before nodding his head. "Hello Sweetheart…"

"Can I help you with something?" I asked skeptically, my palms turning clammy awaiting his next words.

He laughed humorlessly, giving my arm a rough pat before walking further into the house. "On the contrary, its me who is here to help _you_ with something. You do remember you're going to need a talent for when the camera and press come back around before the Victory Tour?"

I had forgotten all about it. Honestly, with everything coursing through my veins a silly capitol talent show was the last thing on my brain.

"Can't I just shoot some arrows?"

Haymitch stared at _me_ with disgust as he picked something out of his teeth, flinging it from his finger. "_ 'Can't I just shoot some arrows?'_" he mimicked me, his voice several octaves higher than mine actually was. "What are you; a one trick pony? The capitols seen what you can do in the ring, they need to see a softer side to you something more….girly."

"…Girly…" I pause suppressing the urge to scream. They send me into an arena to brutally murder twenty two innocent tributes and now they want to see me be _girly._

Haymitch laughed, a noise so loud it made me jump, before wiping away a fake tear. "Yeah, that's exactly what I said." he waited, shrugging when he realized his joke had gone unappreciated. "I don't know, what are you good at?"

"Hunt-"

"-Besides hunting."

When I struggle to come up with anything in the thirty seconds he allows, he breathes heavily as if he's the annoyed one, ready to give up on me already and takes a seat.

"Come on, you can't think of a single thing?"

"Where's Peeta?" I ask him, crossing my arms. "How come you didn't show up at his house attacking him for a talent?"

"Because I didn't have to."

"What's his talent?" I asked, and Haymitch shot me a look suggesting I had lost several hundred brain cells in the arena. "Isn't it obvious? He's a phenomenal baker, and artist. His only trouble is picking one from his many. Anything else to say smart ass?"

We sit in the living room, going over possible things about me that could maybe pass as a talent if the capitol was willing to expand their minds. Eventually, Prim joins in, sitting on a small stool eating one of Peeta's damn cookies. She suggests I sing after about a half an hour of deep contemplation.

"You have a beautiful voice Katniss," she says wistfully.

Haymitch raises his eyebrows, as if inwardly hoping this was the single solitary thing I was good at besides killing and we could end the painful charade.

I shake my head regretfully.

"Why the hell not?" Haymitch snapped, smacking his hand on the wood of the chair.

"I'm not going to sing in front of all of Panem! It's not happening. I'm decent…not amazing. And not nearly good enough to be singing publicly." I defend my case. Haymitch looks skeptical; and then remembers a loud when I had sang to Rue as she died.

"It _was_ mediocre at best…" he mused, rubbing his chin before shooting me a wink.

The air tensed as we all fell quiet once again, the wheels in our mind jammed tight. There wasn't one thing out there that I could say I was good at. I would be the first Victor to be so impossibly lame that maybe they'd allow for that to be my talent.

"Haymitch I have nothing!" I sigh, exasperated. "Its like you said, I'm as charming as a slug."

He chuckled, raising himself from the seat and cracking his back loudly. He patted my shoulder, walking towards the door, worn out after hours of nothingness.

"We'll figure something out. Expect a call." he says in parting.

When the door shut, Prim shot me a sympathetic smile before assuring me there was something I was amazing at and not embarrassed to do.

"We'll find it."

Highly doubtful. Even Haymitch can't bare to face me in person again to go over this. _Expect a call_…he lives across the street and he has to call. I'm pathetic.

* * *

><p>Prim had taken Peeta up on his word and had since been helping out at his family's bakery a few afternoons a week under his apprenticeship. This left mother and I on our own a few hours everyday.<p>

Usually, she kept herself busy outside with the large garden that surrounded the house, or went into town for a while. Now that things were looking better for our family, she had snapped out of her trance, seeming to be like our old mother.

Prim was over the moon with how things had turned out, that for the first time in almost all her years of remembering, our family seemed alright. It would take some more convincing for me. I didn't trust easily, and when that trust was wavered I rarely made the mistake of trusting the person again.

Today, she complains of a head ache, and she lays in the living room with the windows open and her shut eyes. I brought a damp cloth to her head and she thanked me gently. As I turned to leave, she called after me, and I wondered if I had forgotten something.

"Do you need something else?" I asked her and she shook her head, patting the spot next to her. "No. Come and sit."

I wasn't in the mood for being inside, and had kind of made plans with myself to head into town, down by the Hob. I sat down cautiously beside her and waited for her to speak first, since it was obvious she had something on her mind.

She opened her mouth to speak, but then shut it tighter, questioning her words before they've exited into the still air.

"I guess I just wanted to know how you were doing." she says quietly.

The chance for sarcasm rose in my throat, this would be as good a time as ever to throw the nightmares, the vomiting, the shaking and constant paranoia in her face and ask her if she really wanted to know in detail how messed up her daughter really was…but I bit my tongue.

"Better;" I say simply, because its not a lie. Compared to six weeks ago, when I was just on my way capitol, I was twenty times better. Compared to three weeks ago…not much had changed. "Not good, but better."

"You know, if you ever feel scared or just need someone to talk to, you can wake me up, or anything." she says carefully.

"Alright." I have no plans of following through on my words however. She wasn't there to protect me from reality, how could I expect comfort of her from figments of my imagination?

She nods. "How's Peeta doing?" she's making small talk.

I shrug. Its harder for him, when I emerge from nightmares, its usually accompanied by hugs and kisses, soft strokes of loving hands and delicate words to soothe me until I fully wake. When Peeta wakes…he's alone, paralyzed with fear and there's no one to make it better.

"He's hanging in there. Its just harder…his family stays at their house in town, near the bakery." it seemed absurd, but then again, his family had always seemed…dysfunctional.

"All the time?" mother asks, applaud.

I nodded. "They work at the bakery all day. To my knowledge they don't come over for dinner, but sometimes Peeta goes there to eat, with them."

She purses her lips. "If he ever needs a place to stay, you know, until the nightmares die down or so, he's welcome to spend a few nights in one of the spare bedrooms here, just so he doesn't wake up disoriented and…alone."

"That would mean a lot to him, but he's probably better off dealing with them on his own." if he's anything like me, he wouldn't want several people hovering over him promising him its alright…because even though the nightmare is over, the sickest part of it all, the games, were not over. They would never be.

"Well, let him know he has an option."

"Was that all?" I ask, my legs itching to get moving, keeping busy physically kept me busy mentally too, it was never good to be sitting around because when I was bored, my mind wandered but never to good things, not anymore.

"Katniss;" mother called, it was then I realized I had already stood up towards the door.

"Yes?"

"You know…you know I love you dearly, right?"

Her words come as a shock to me, because of course I know this is true, but we don't talk about it much.

"I love you too." the words sound rehearsed and mechanical coming from my lips.

"I want things to be better Katniss, but I cant do it alone. I need you to let me in. Let me help you."

Now she wants to help? When everything is finally under control, when our bellies are full and we have a sure place to sleep and keep clean every day and night she wants to help? I've done all the work. There's nothing left to help with.

This time, I cant bite my tongue or swallow my words. They come up as vomit rising in my throat.

"What's left to help out with?"

I don't wait for an answer, but head for the door, angry. With myself for turning something that could have been nice into what it now was, for leaving her. Her of course for leaving me years before now, and Prim. Mostly Prim. I could support myself, but Prim needed her mother.

I was angry at the capitol and their stupid demand for coal. I was mad they killed my father. How different things would have been with him around….

I force the thoughts away, heading towards Greasy Sae's, expecting the place would be more empty than normal, the miners still at work for the day. As I walked by, I had been correct and found the place empty besides Cray and Darius, who sat socializing over bowls of soup.

"When ya going hunting again for me girl?" Greasy Sae asks, slopping some kind of left over chunky beef stew into a bowl for me. "I'm runnin' out of supplies."

I thought about how long it had been since I had seen Gale. How I never went hunting without him, though, I didn't see myself strolling up to his house to ask him either. The next time we see each other, we were going to need to have a conversation and I would guess it will turn out to be a long one.

"Sorry," is all I say, twirling the contents in the bowel with a wooden spoon. "It has been a while." it should worry me to talk so freely about my illegal hunting in front of two Peacekeepers, but it doesn't. here in District 12, the system is corrupt. Cray sleeps with desperate women in need of money, Darius turns the other cheek. When it comes down to it, no one really cares if two seam kids want to sneak out of the boundaries to gather some food, as long as its shared with everyone else.

"That's alright," she says, wiping up the counter top with a dirty rag. "I'd imagine its hard to set time aside anymore, with Gale in the mines all day long…"

My ears perked up and my eyes grew wide as her words sunk in heavily. "What did you just say?"

She turned to look at me with confusion. "What?"

"Gale is in the mines?" I breathed, my heart rate picking up significantly.

"I would have thought he'd have told you," Cray said softly.

I turned on my heels, leaving half a bowel of stew untouched. My mind was racing as my fathers death, Gales fathers death, keep replaying in my mind, paralyzing me in my movements and making my breath come out in sobs.

Someone had some explaining to do.

When I reached Gales house I waited patiently after knocking the door, until Hazelle opened it slowly, cautiously. Her lips turned up into a smile, a greeting forming on her lips but before I could allow her to continue, I cut her off with my blurting words.

"How could you let him do such a thing?" I demanded, my hands pulling at the lose ends of my hair. "Why would he need to work in the mines?"

Hazelle stared at me with tired eyes, her fingers pruned from the laundry work she did day after day, and a tired Posy in her arms. "Katniss, he offered. We need the money."

My eyes turned wild. "If you needed money, all you had to do is ask! I'll give you guys anything you need, please, let me help. Get him out of the mines!"

Her expression softened as she ran her hand over my cheek, stroking the flesh softly. "You're darling, but you know we can't accept your money."

"If this is about pride-" I cut myself, unwilling to finish the sentence that would surely turn vulgar.

"Katniss, Gale will not accept a single penny from you, and you know that is true. He believes in earning, in working hard for what you want. He will not take the easy way out in begging."

"Its not begging when someone is offering," I mumbled, feeling as if I were the one begging for them to take the money. She smiled again with a sigh.

"Gale gets home around six thirty, I'm sure he'd love if you stopped by."

I told her I might, but as I left for the village again, I was positive we both knew I wouldn't be back tonight and Gale would most likely never know I was there to begin with.

* * *

><p>By the time I got back to the house, mother had gone to lay down, probably for the best, and Prim had returned from the bakery. She cuddled up with me on the couch and allowed me to run my fingers through her soft hair as she told me about her day excitedly, hugging me in her little arms.<p>

"I'm glad you had fun today, little duck."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing interesting enough to share." I sigh regretfully and pat her head before standing up. "Did Peeta come home when you did?"

She nodded. "I'm going to go over to his house for a few, I'll be home soon." I tell her and again, she nods, then adding, "I like Peeta, a lot."

"I think you've grown on him as well," I tease before heading out the door and across the street. I still hadn't heard from Haymitch about my talent and had assumed he was giving up on me, leaving me to my own devices to think up some dream talent on my own.

Before I can even knock on the door, Peeta is there with a tired expression. It was obvious in his face he had gone much too long without sleep.

"Hi, Katniss." he breathed, as if relieved to see me. "Would you like to come in?"

I stepped into his neatly arranged house, the only other voices sounding through it coming from the television. It was one big lonely space, and Peeta came home to it every night.

The home smelled of dinner and fresh bread, along with Peeta's normal scent of mixed pine and lavender.

"Thank you, for letting Prim help out at the bakery." I say quietly and he smiles, something so warm and inviting I'm not regretting my decision of coming over.

"Of course. Prim is such a nice girl, so sweet but independent…like her sister."

I turn up at his words and shake my head. "Oh no, Prim isn't much like me, only slightly. She received all the best family traits." I chuckle. "A healers touch, soft and gentle from my mother, a melodic voice from my father, her independent spirit from me. Prim can make even Haymitch smile genuinely when she tries."

Peeta gently runs his hand through the stray hairs covering my face, tucking them behind my ears. "You, Katniss Everdeen are beautiful, inside and out. Don't try and deny it either, its not very hard to see."

"So are you Peeta. I don't know how you do it, but just your presence seems to calm me."

He grins at this, and we fall silent as he pulls out a bread, cutting it into slices and placing it between us to pick on. It was olive bread, that melted into your mouth, its salty but delicious taste and fluffy texture had me leaning in for several more pieces.

"Eat up," he encourages. "I have more food here than I can eat. But I love baking, so to keep myself busy, its usually what I do…then, I don't know what to do with it afterwards."

"Is that what you chose for your talent? Your baking?" I asked, my lack of talent still lingering in the back of my mind. I remembered Haymitch's words; about how Peeta's only problem was picking _one_ of his many.

Peeta only laughed before shaking his head. "No. Would you like to see the talent I'm really using?"

He led me up to a spare bedroom in the house and opened the door, pushing gently on my back to show me in. when he turned on a light, I gasped, because before me were dozens of paintings, easels and brushes. I knew Peeta was good at painting, I had watched him make that spectacular flower on my cookie, but I never expected he was this brilliant.

I let my fingers glide across a painting of an open kelly green field, the painted sunset dancing in the back round and a single tree, housing a girl who sleeps it in soundly.

He appears over my shoulder smiling, "You inspired that one."

Several more held nice pictures that would make your insides turn to mush, and then, as if breaking through a wall, drastically they changed to a time in my life I had shortly forgotten. The games.

Pictures of horrific blood filled battles engorged the pages. Stars twinkling above the sky as it lit up with pictures of dead tributes. The mutant dog creatures that attacked us and Cato, ending his life, and one large one of the Cornucopia set on flames and spewing blood.

"What do you think?" he asks in a mumble.

"I hate them."

"Me too."

"They're too brilliant. Too…lifelike. Its as if they're watching me," I run my hand over the picture of Glimmers bloated dead body, her eyes still open and seemingly staring into my own.

"I relive these moments the most. So vividly, I can paint them from memory." he shutters. "I prefer the lighter of things, but sometimes painting the flowers in a war zone doesn't do much good."

"Peeta, how are you doing? You haven't slept in days…" I mumble, running a hand over his shoulder.

"Its alright Katniss, I'm doing fine, really. You have enough on your plate to worry about now without me adding to it." he says solemnly.

I scoff. "Peeta that's ridiculous. You're not doing fine. Where is your family?" I knew the answer, but I wanted it confirmed. "Why aren't they up here with you?"

"They'd prefer to stay in town, closer to the shop."

"Its not good for you, being alone like this. You'll turn out like Haymitch soon enough." I hadn't meant it as a joke, but it had somehow cut through the thick tension of our conversation and forced laughter from our lungs.

"My mother, she told me if you'd like, you're welcome to stay with us for a few days, to catch up on your sleep and all…"

His eyes lit up, gratitude heavy in the expression before they softened. "It's alright," he spoke. "I don't want to impose."

"An invitation is not imposing," I object. "At least for the night Peeta."

He watches my pleading expression for a few more moments before smiling with a nod. "Thank you then."

* * *

><p>Prim was over the moon ecstatic when she learned Peeta would be with us for the next few days, and rushed to give him a hug. I hadn't seen her take this well to anyone besides Gale, then again, besides Peeta, Gale was my only other good friend.<p>

"Do you want to play a game?" she asks of him with a grin. I watch his tired expression and interject smoothly. "Prim, its nearly time for you to head to bed, or you'll never wake in the morning for school."

Her shoulders slumped slightly, but it wasn't in Prim's nature to fight about small things, nor hold a grudge, so before I could even feel guilty about shooting down her plans of a game she's hugging the both of us, placing soft kisses on our cheeks before heading up to brush her teeth and get to bed.

"You look about ready for bed yourself," I say softly, and he smiles with an apologetic nod. "I hope I don't seem rude."

"Nonsense, sleeping was the whole reason of your stay."

We headed up the stairs and I showed him the guest bedroom, making sure he had all he needed before leaving him on his own and heading to my own. Oddly enough, it was easier to give into sleep knowing Peeta was just a room over.

My nightmare started off simple this time, just as the other had. I was running, the wind whispering for me to pick up the pace. My breath was ragged and coming out in short whimpers, my vision blurred from sweat and tears combined. I pushed the thoughts away fast, and continued pushing my exhausted body. I ran for the same tree in hopes of safety from whatever was following me, but it only entangled me in its clutches again. I fought for freedom, becoming more entangled until the footprints stopped in front of me.

It was the girl from the capitol, my red headed avox who stopped in front of me with pleading eyes.

She opened her mouth to scream, and I watched as her tongue reappeared in her mouth, her screams slowly building until the final one came out in a blood curdling death cry.

She ran to me, helping to detangle the mossy greens from my limbs, begging and pleading with me to save her.

"You've got to help me," she begs. "Snow, he's after me, he's going to get me!"

"Come with me!" I shout, but we seem to be running in slow motion, unable to match the pace of the hovercraft sailing behind us. It picks us both up with its force field and for a moment, we're dangling in the air, screaming loudly for help though there was no one there to hear. President Snow greeted us upon entering the craft, he held a gun up to the avox's head and shot, killing her before my eyes, then with a sadistic smirk, held me down to pry my mouth open. He held a blade to my tongue and chuckled before slashing out my tongue.

I shot out of bed, gasping for air and shaking so hard it was no wonder I had fallen to the floor. I tried to talk, to scream, but nothing came out. I grasped my throat and stuck out my tongue, feeling for its tickling edge. It was fully intact, the dream had been just that.

Then I screamed.

Peeta, Prim and mother all came barreling through, but I only wanted the comfort of Peeta and ran into his arms immediately. He held me of course, but whispered nothing because he knew as well as I did no words helped a fear shaking nightmare. His soothing hands ran over my back and his forehead pressed to the top of my hair. Sometime in between the climax of my breakdown and when Peeta had finally settled me back into bed, Prim and mother had disappeared. When Peeta turned to head back to his room, I pulled on his arm with such force he nearly fell back on the bed.

His expression met my own. "Please, stay with me."

He smiled then. "Always."

I scooted in and pulled back the covers, making room for his body and my own. This was the second time we had slept together since returning from the games, and immediately, I felt my nausea and fear die down replaced with relief. His arm wrapped around my waist, bringing me in closer to him and he kissed my temple softly before whispering an apology.

I know I've confused him into not knowing what was alright and what wasn't. we were nearly making out in the arena, then I tell him I don't love him, we go to being friends, then I'm kissing him and inviting him to bed with me.

However, Peeta is my silver lining, the dandelion in the beginnings of spring promising everything will be ok. I'm not thinking clearly, and giving into my direct impulses. I give into what I need at this moment, and what I need is Peeta.

I turn my body to face his own and grab his face, pulling it into mine, daring to feel the intense passion I had felt in that one kiss in the arena. My skin turned to hot coals and my heart had dropped to the pit of my stomach as his hands moved over my torso gently matching my kisses but not daring to speed up the pace. He pushed up into a sitting position and sat me on his lap, bringing me closer to him without breaking the gentle kisses, pulling away only to breathe in which I responded by placing feather soft kisses along his jaw bone and cheeks.

When I lowered my head to his Adams apple, giving it a soft lick of my lips, he let out a soft, but precious, low moan, his body going rigid. He glided me off of him gently before laying me back down, our breathing uneven.

"I'm sorry," he panted. "I took things too far."

"It takes two to tango," I mumble back, to which he snickers, as I rub his chest gently with my hand.

He shivers before placing his larger hand on top of mine and bringing it to his lips to caress softly.

"Sleep now Katniss, dream of beautiful things."

For the first time in three weeks; I did.

* * *

><p>At the break of daylight, there was a steady thud on the door before it flew open and Prim walked in, stopping in her tracks with confusion at seeing me and Peeta in a not so innocent position.<p>

We both jump to a sitting position in the bed and she shakes her head handing me the phone. "Its for you."

Haymitch.

"Who is it?"

She shrugs, looking us over once more before walking out and shutting the door behind her. I picked up the phone, confused. The only people who would ever call being Haymitch or Peeta.

"Hello?"

"If it isn't the girl on fire herself."

_Cinna._

* * *

><p>I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Just a heads up; I most likely won't be able to update until the weekend because I have family in visiting from out of town and will be with them for the rest of the week. I'll attempt an update on Friday but if I'm being truthful, it'll most likely be Saturday or Sunday night. Thanks for reading, and have a great rest of the week!<p>

~SoYouThinkYouCanWrite


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